Men,its your fault she's Fat

By : Eric Djemba ·  Published : October 16, 2015, 10:12 pm ·  Created: October 16, 2015, 10:12 pm ·  Last Updated : January 1, 1970, 3:00 am

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I move across the streets of Nairobi under the scotching Elnino sun..(meteorological department said we would experience heavy rains from last week)So due to my preparedness I opt to do a Calvin Klein woolerer..I walk past Moi avenue primary and notice people lying down on Kidero grass on the other side of the road..(jevanjee gardens) and I opt to cross the road and shelter my bald from the merciless solar..I find my way to the garden and realise fairly scattered groups of people(like those we formed in school to discuss chemistry)my noosy nature won't let me peace...curiosity literary killed me..I remember how one day I overhead that a catholic nun in my home area Rironi had been car jacked only for her to see me and claim I looked like one of those car jackers,I never learn (never mind what happened to me..)so I drag my feet to one of the many groups I am not intrigued by their boring political free discussions and the fact that they try to imitate the national assembly. They even have a damn "speaker" who keeps interjecting Order(bunge la mwananchi)...things joblessness can make you do...I hope to another group and find them tackling more unique and captivating ELEPHANT issue..ladies weight..I am initially amused by the fact that neat smartly dressed jobless men have a lot to gossip about women from how they dress to how they walk..I move closer and realise that this particular group is in a mission to bring down 32gb women..they describe them in the meanest words I have ever heard...from the "tyres" to untonned arms they unanimously torture torment plus size ladies they ridicule my mother my sisters my girlfriends..My bile starts to produce gastric juice...my feelings begin to trigger my ulcers I become restless and my heart begins to throb..out of no where as an intruder I find bucal cavity moving not knowing what I am saying but it latter lingers that I am telling them "Men its your fault ladies are fat"can you allow me time to make my submission? and one elegantly dressed young man sacarsticaly looks at me and points at me with his lips calling me Women Rep but that doesn't deter me from making my submission amid hysterical laughter from my fellow men..I quickly put on communication skills hat and summarizes my points as to why I claim its men's fault she's fat.. 1.Men are generally mean or broke to pay for their ladies gym.. 2.A good number of men take their ladies out to either take fries or Alcohol which are some of the major known causes of obesity and increase in weight 3.Men are contradictory in that they admire and adore women with big behinds but talk negatively about their fat wives. 4.Men are jealous of their ladies working out under instructors for obvious reasons.. 5.Most men do not support their ladies journey towards weight loss after delivery because they fear she might look good and that would make them appeasing to potential suitors. 6.Traditional beliefs by men that African ladies ought to be big and sooo on... I conclude my submission to my delegation of young African men only to realise that the truth was such a bitter pill for them to swallow..half of them have already left to go buy their ladies fries(my assumption) but the remaining applause me and even offer to elect me as women rep in 2017 but atleast I leave having placed men in their rightful place...its already 6:30 and a few rain drops start to drizzle I cross to khoja and catch my mat to Rironi..a happy Man..